One Mother's Recipe on how she accomplished it with her
daughter
My SMART Result
I was specifically aiming for her to memorize all the Qur'an in
about 3 years (as I had heard that people normally finish in 3-5 years). However, she finished in 2.5 alhamdullilah.
I had different targets during this time. In the beginning I had
no target. Once we got the hang of it (after about 5 juz) we targeted one juz a
month (which was a page/day). By the end, though, my target was to do a juz a week.
Commentary
1. Notice how
even though it was her daughter that was memorizing, She adopted the goals as
if it were her own. Awesome.
2. Notice as
well that she adjusted her specific results as time went
by. She was
flexible. When her daughter got stronger. She adjusted her results to match
that strength.
I ALWAYS WANTED IT
I
always wanted all my children to be huffadh, [ROLE MODEL] like Umm Sulaim's
sons, radiAllahu anhum. However, I never thought that I will end up teaching
them myself. I was waiting for a madrasah to start in our city for girls, when
my' husband suggested" that I should try doing
it at home until something starts for girls.
Although, it was a very informal
suggestion but it actually turned practical only by the permission of Allah.
BEST GIFT PARENT CAN GIVE
I think this is the best
gift parents can offer to their children.
SUCCESS OF HEREAFTER MOST
IMPORTANT
To me, true love is not
when you want to see your child successful in this dunya only, but to see their
ultimate success, which is the success of the akhira. And if they get that then
it automatically offers the success of this dunya too, bi idhniAllah.
Often times, as parents, we
limit our vision for our kids within the bounds of this dunya alone. We want
more and more for our children for this dunya. From the day they are born, we
start setting 'high goals' for them, from having good education, to best job,
to big house and a latest model car etc. etc. and it never ends.
OTHERS HAVE SMALL
DREAMS FOR ISLAM, NOT ME
Why then we don't have the
same standards for the akhira?! Will we ever compromise with just elementary
school education for our children? Why then just once-a-week-Sunday school
suffice us? Will we ever let them stop with a high school diploma? Why then
only 5 daily prayers, fasting in Ramadan, giving zakah and offering one hajj
makes us happy?!
Why say' that as long as
they enter jannah ...'?! Why not, ' I want my children to enter
Jannat-ul-Firdous and not just jannah, I want my child to be standing among the
Sahaba, in the company of the Prophet sallahualaihi wasalam on the Day of Judgment
(inshaAllah)
and not just with regular Muslims. Why do we have limited goals for our
children for their akhira and unlimited for the dunya!
ULTIMATE GOAL: LEARNING THE DEEN OF ALLAH
And that is perhaps why memorizing Qur'an was a baby step towards
making her learn the deen of Allah.
FILL THEIR BRAINS WITH THE
MOST PRECIOUS OF KNOWLEDGE, THE QURAN
If we are given an empty shelf to decorate, we will start by putting
the more expensive and valuable materials in the front and then if we have
space left we will put the extra things, and to me this is exactly how the
children are. They are given to us with empty minds and it is our, parents,
responsibility to fill our children's brain with something valuable first.
ROLE MODELS, IMAM AHMAD'S
MOTHER
Among the heroes of Islam,
3 men were always very inspiring to me: Imam Ahmad, Ibn Taymiyyah and Sh. Bin
Baz (rahimuhullah). And Imam Ahmad was a prime example of not only a hafidh in
young age but even his mother's role was such a big inspiration.
I DID THIS BECAUSE WHEN I
START SOMETHING I FINISH IT, IT'S MY IDENTITY
Why was I so bent on her
finishing at a young age. because this is just how I am. When I start something
believing in it, I just can't stop in the middle. And I must admit that when I
started with my daughter it was like throwing an arrow in the dark I only got
more encouraged we went along. I started with her when she was 5. She was in
1st grade homeschool. I figured that even if it takes her 3 years to memorize
and she misses out on homeschooling, she will still not be behind in her
secular studies.
LESSONS ALONG THE
PATH
And the more my
daughter kept memorizing the more I realized that:
·
Small children are easy to please. Small
rewards mean a lot to them and they are satisfied with little. Whereas older
children have 'bigger' demands .
·
Younger children's world revolves around
their parents. Honestly, sometimes even just offering to give het 10 kisses
will motivate her to finish her lesson! I don't think this would have worked
with an older child!
·
Small children (especially those who
have not been to school) don't know what they miss out by staying home. Older
children (especially teenagers) know the 'fun‘ of outside world and it is
tougher for them to sacrifice.
·
Small children are easy to discipline,
intimidate and control.
·
I believed that whatever a child
memorizes in an early age is not easily forgettable. And besides, if she
finishes in an early age, she will have a LOT of time to review and the more
she reviews the stronger it will stay in her memory inshaAllah.
MEMORZING QURAN WAS
"NOT" THE ULTIMATE GOAL, THERE WAS SOMETHING BIGGER
Besides, I had a bigger goal in my mind (may Allah az Zawjal
accepts it and make her successful). As I said, memorization of Qur'an was just
the first step. I wanted her to do memorize Bukhari and Muslim as well. I
thought it will take a lot of time and our lives are short, so the sooner the
better. Although, now she is memorizing Bulugh-ul-Maram and Riyadh-us-Saliheen
(sh. Yasir suggested these books instead of Bukhari & Muslim).
She alternates between two books one baab from each.
IMPLEMENTATION
OF HIGHER DREAM
She
also had the opportunity to travel to Egypt last year and stayed there for the
summer. She attended Cairo Institute. Now she is continuing with the same
institute through the internet & webcam. She has the same teacher as she
had in Egypt and it is walhamdullialh working out great She can speak fushah Arabic
now. They have a total of 12 levels of the course. she just finished her 7th
level. Now inshaAllah she will be doing 'balagha' which her teacher said is the
most difficult and goes into the Qur'anic style Arabic. I recommend this
institute to all the parents!
My
Massive Action Plan
1.
NO.1 MAKE DUA
Make
du'a: and by Allah, if it wasn't for His Mercy, this would have never happened.
The days I would forget to make du'a, that day could be terrible. It is a
weapon of every believer and a 'special' weapon of every mother! So as much as
she uses it, it will only help her and her child.
2.
CHILD KNOWS REWARD AND HAS PURPOSE
Motivation
(hers and mine): Constantly reminding her why she was doing it, reading her the
meaning of her lesson, talking much about Jannah and jahannum. As My daughter
says that had she not knew the reward, she would have never done it (And yes,
the parents need to realize that the children, even as small as 5, can have a
good concept of Jannah and hellfire).
3.
CELEBRATIONS
Positive
reinforcement: Set up a reward system. She had a daily reward, weekly reward
and 'juz' reward. Daily reward was necessary because small children can't focus
for too long. So to make her wait for the whole week was not working out
We
strictly followed the madani mushaf and went by lines. For every line she
memorized, she would get 10c and this was to encourage her to take more new
lesson. (when she started taking a lot, I started rewarding by page!! ) Weekly
reward: if she won't take any days off and finish her lesson throughout the
week, she will get to go somewhere 'fun' on the weekend. Sometimes, that 'fun'
place was simply going to a relative's house (as I said. 'smaller children are
easier to please'). And for every juz she memorized, she will get a party where
all her friends will come over, play games, eat and she would get gifts.
4.
START AT FAJR
Waking
up after fajr. I didn't realize the barakah in time until I actually started
waking my daughter up early to do her lesson. If we hadn't done this, she might
have still be memorizing.
5.
DISCIPLINE
Fear
factor: I still don't know if this is the right thing to do or not I could've
been more patient. But I don't know if there was only love and reward and no
'intimidation' then how successfully we would have achieved this task.
If
she wouldn't finish her lesson, she wouldn't get to play outside or ride her
bike etc. She was punished but I would always talk to her later about the
importance of finishing what she was supposed to do each day. And I tried not
link the punishment to the Qur'an rather to her discipline and misbehaving.
Also,
being strict helps because otherwise when a mother is also a teacher, children
like to beg and nag for smaller lesson or days off and act 'spoiled'.
6.
CONSTANT REMINDER OF OBJECTIVE *Important
Encouragement:
Everything that was done for her during these 2.5 years, was associated to her
memorizing Qur'an. Even if I cooked something that she liked was because 'she
was memorizing Qur'an'. Reminding her throughout the day that she was special
because she was doing something special and not everyone gets to do it. (But at
the same time, kept reminding her that she was doing this to please Allah
alone)
7.
SPECIAL REWARDS
More
rewards: these were the 'special' rewards from her father and she did take them
very seriously. These were set after every 5 juz. When she had last 15 juz
left, we motivated her with a 'big party' not only with her friends but this
time she would even get to invite their parents and she got VERY excited!
SubhanAllah she was really looking forward to it and finished 15 juz in 3
months!
8.
UNBREAKABLE SCHEDULE
Discipline:
A schedule was set up. We wouldn't go anywhere during the day time (usually
until 5pm), no phone calls, no social activities except for the halqah,
doctor's appointments etc.
9. REAL LOVE: YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY
I
don't know what to call this. Regardless of all the encouragement, rewards AND
intimidation, some days (or should I say many days) I would have to simply
'force' her to memorize and review. This is where the 'fear factor' comes in
handy. I would just tell her that inshaAllah one day she will appreciate what
she was doing. And perhaps this is where I had to be more disciplined and
strong and didn't give in.
10.
PEP TALKS
Good
communication: This was not only good for my daughter but even for me.
Whenever, I was not able to be patient with her, talking to her about it later
on only relieved my guilt feelings. This may not seem so important but I
believe that it makes a big difference.
11.
ACCEPT FEEDBACK
I
never discouraged questions or complaints from her so I knew exactly what would
be going through her mind, and I Would talk to her about it. Like why she was
unable to play like neighbor's children outside, or why she couldn't go to
school, or why she was the only one memorizing etc.
12.
COMMUNICATE INTENTIONS AND PURPOSE
Especially
the year before she finished, I had gotten very busy with my own studies and
dawah events and ended up wasting a lot of her time. Then right after the
conference finished, I felt so guilty and promised myself to make it up to her.
So I dropped everything that I was involved in and completely concentrated on
my daughter. I had a long conversation with her and I explained to her that we
had wasted a lot of time and she was able to do much more then what she was
doing, so why not increase our lesson but It will require some sacrifice from
her and I explained to her that she may not be able to playas much as she used
to, or go out as much or spend her weekends at grandma's etc.
I
think when adults communicate with the children and explain to them why they
are doing certain things, the children feel the 'responsibility' of doing what
the adults are asking them to do. And I do believe that the communication with
her helped a lot because she knew exactly why she had to be on a very rigorous
schedule of 8am to 8pm (in the last few months) And subhanAllah she did move
from on page/day to 2/day to 3/day to 4/day and finally 9/day)
THE
80/20 MOST IMPORTANT: DUAAND FAJR
The
top two actions will be: making du'a and starting lesson after fajr.
GOT
A BOY?
There
is just one thing that I must mention though. All my experience is with a girl.
Now that my son is memorizing, I feel like boys are very different from
girls-good and bad.
FINAL
ADVICE: PARENTS MUST BE RIGHTEOUS
And
although you didn't ask for this but there is just one thing I want to say:
During all this time of memorization (and of course even after this) parents
must watch out their own actions too because this is not only an achievement
for the child but it is a blessing and Rahma of Allah to be a parent of someone
who has memorized the Qur'an and this blessing is not given to everyone. A
wrong action on parent's part may affect the child too. We must improve our
actions and we must keep our intentions pure so our children can turn out even
better, inshaAllah.
PS:
One
more thing. I don't have a TV at home but once in a while I do let my children
watch something on computer DVD. But whenever My daughter would watch
something, the next she would have a hard time doing her lesson and I would
regret why I let her watch the cartoon! So minimize the TV in their lives when
they are memorizing Qur'an (and even afterwards!)
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I read this in IHSAN truly amazing. May our God make every mothers to try this recipe and accomplish it, Ameen. I wanted to talk about this article with u and some more, perhaps when we meet again Inshallah and I'm looking forward too.
ReplyDeleteAs salaamu alaykum ukhti,
ReplyDeleteThis article mentioned the Cairo Institute. Is this institute still open to your knowledge?